Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
