I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
