I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize