omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize