ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
