i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
