Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize