This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
