dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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