Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
