Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
