evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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