Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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