The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
