Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
