i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's like God shit irony all over that family
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
