she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize