he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
