It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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