Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
