he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
