Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
