ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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