From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize