shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want her autograph on my taint
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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