Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
