so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
should my penis look like a turkey
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
