Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
