In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
