omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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