we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
