So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
