Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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