dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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