I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
