Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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