The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
