apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
