if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
