remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize