honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
