in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
