I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i drank out of a bidet.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
