All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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