I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
