you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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