Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
