seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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