Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
