I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
