Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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