Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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