I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
nutella sex= disaster
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
