He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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