So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
