I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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