I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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