i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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