Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Farmville is her only friend.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
