I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
