I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
