Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
