The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
