I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He felt like a one man threesome
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
