winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize