Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
