tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
