If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
