Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
