I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
