I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize