one two three fourrrrnication!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
