Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
