You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
