I wish my penis had an off switch
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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