i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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