Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
