I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
