I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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