i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
