Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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