so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's never too late to be topless.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
