it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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