that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
