You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
