Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
