All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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