I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
