Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
