I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
