I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
