Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
