eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just cropdusted the office
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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