i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
