...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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