nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
