Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
