you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
