Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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