I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
