you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
