for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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