I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
