You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
