Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
