So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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