hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
