More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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