You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
