dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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