I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
